Childhood reflections

Growing up, I remember going with my dad ever other weekend due a custody agreement. Boy oh boy would I get so excited to go with him, probably because for the longest time i was his only child, up until about the age of 14. Me and “daddeo” would rent movies and heat up either a frozen stouffers lasagna or pizza. It was my absolute favorite. Well actually I prefer my mom’s homemade lasagna but frozen was next best since my dad wasn’t much of a cook. For example, I stayed with my dad on a weeknight, which was very rare. That meant he was responsible to get me ready and fed before school. He combed my hair like a boy (slicked back into a pony). I mean, he really slicked it back with gel and all. Then for breakfast he made me hamburger meat. You heard me right, a good ol’ plate of ground hamburger meat. Like I said, he wasn’t much of a cook but I appreciated his efforts! AsĀ  got older, I seen that my excitement of going with my dad made my mom sad. Because, she had this idea worked up that I would rather be with him and that I wasn’t happy when I was home with her. See, those were not my feelings what so ever, honestly when I went with my dad I was spoiled as it was just me and my dad and at my mom’s house, it was me, my sister, my step-dad and his 2 daughters. Going with my dad was like getting away from the chaos. However, when it was bedtime I would cry because I missed my mom dearly. See, I may have led you to believe that I am a daddy’s girl. Truth is, I am the exact opposite. I love my mom dearly and when anything good or bad happens, she is the first one I run to.

I have great childhood memories for the most part. My mom and our family went on family vacations every year, amusement parks, magic shows and boardwalks! With my dad’s side of the family, I went camping frequently and absolutely loved it! I wish I could say that I have nothing but great memories but that wouldn’t be ideal. Going further into my childhood when i was around the age of 4 my parents were still together and quite frankly the memories I have are vivid for being so young & they haunt me. My dad would beat my mom physically. I remember him throwing my mom into a wall and her crying to my sister and I to go to the bedroom and close the door. As me and my sister held onto each other close and tried to cover our ears, I could hear my mom screaming “please Danny, please stop hitting me”. It wasn’t until much later that i grew animosity towards my dad for doing what he did to my mom.

As I grew into my teen years i became more distant with my dad, he came around at his convenience because he moved frequently and jumped from job to job. See, it wasn’t that he didn’t have good steady employment that he would jump around. He just didn’t seem to be happy unless he was moving around, as if he had a thrill for living life on the road and moving to multiple states (I guess I should mention he was a truck driver). It also seemed that when child support would find him, he would quit to avoid paying. My mom never received help from that man, but she never let it bother her. She worked extra hours and made sure that I was taken care of and she never complained. Honestly, my mom truly is amazing and I thank god that he sent her to be my mom.

It’s about 3 years that since I have talked to my dad. My intention isn’t to make him out to look like a bad person. Truthfully, as much as we bump heads, I miss him. I miss the happy side of him. for those who know my dad, know that he is quite the comedian and all his nieces and nephews call him “Tio Danny cool” I have a lot of great memories with him but I have a lot of sad ones too. It seems as the years went on, my dad grew angry at the world and became bitter.

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